Dumbest Girl in America, The

Self-proclaimed title of Kelly Bundy (Christina Applegate), a beautiful blond rock bimbo on the dysfunctional sitcom MARRIED WITH…CHILDREN/FOX/1987-97.


At one point, Kelly’s greatest aspiration was to get groupie bragging rights and say “I’m with the band!” She did earn the distinction of playing the “Rock Slut” in the Gutter Cats music video.


Kelly Bundy chained to a fence during the shooting of a rock video.

Her popularity with the boys once made her say she was “The Beatles of the 1980s.” When asked her birth sign, she replied ,”I’m an Aquarium.”

“Here’s a Mercedes for 50K’s. You don’t even need money. I happen to have some spare K’s from those letters they sent home from school saying, “Kelly is an idiot.” Who’s the idiot now?” – Kelly Bundy looking at a car ad

List of silly phrases where Kelly misinterprets popular sayings:

  • “A bird in the hand is worth a foot in the tush.”
  • “Feed a cold, starve for pizza. Starve a pizza, eat cold feet.”
  • “He who laughs last laughs West.”
  • “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have seen ‘Lost in Space’ at all.”
  • “They will never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.”
  • “As inevitable as death in Texas.”
  • “Buenos nachos.”
  • “I hope he doesn’t make a testicle out of himself.”
  • “I’m going to hold my breast until I turn blue.”
  • “I’m on the horns of an enema.”
  • “It”s as easy as 1, 2, C.”
  • “I wear my heart on a sleaze.
  • “Quoth the Raven ‘Demi Moore’.”
  • “That is the squaw that stroke the camel’s sack.”
  • “The defense breasts.”
  • “The prostitution rests.”
  • “You could’ve knocked me over with the weather.”
  • “Your words fall off me like water off a duck’s quack. “
  • “Yeah, I just got a call from the doctor. I’m dying. I have Bolivia. The doctor says it’s terminus.”
  • “Bud, I’m gonna kill you and then I’m gonna bury you alive.”


In search of acting gigs, Kelly lands the lead in a TV commercial as the Pest Boys mascot, the “Verminator.” Kelly’s dog Buck and her brother Bud are featured in a Verminator commercial. But after they get blasted with an experimental spray, Bud grows breasts and Buck morphs into different animals.

Kelly’s other stint with TV came when she gets hired (not for her brains) by Channel 83 as the “Action News” TV Weather Bunny Girl.


For a short time, however, Kelly Bundy was hailed as a genius inventor for creating “Bleen.” Unfortunately, her father, Al (Ed O’Neill) shampoos his hair with it, before Kelly has a chance to say, “Daddy, Bleen is not a shampoo. It’s a bunch of deadly chemicals I concocted in the university lab. It’s possible that tingling you’re feeling on your head could be the beginning of a massive stroke.” Her father responds, “Either way, I thank you.”

Note: Kelly’s father, Al Bundy loves to go to the nudie bar, where he espouses the following credo: “Hooters! Hooters! Yum! Yum! Yum! Hooters! Hooters! On a girl that’s dumb.”

See also“The Smartest Dumbbell in the History of Show Business”


Born in Philadelphia, Jerome Alphonse Holst worked 30 years as a librarian. He has since retired and lives in Greensboro, North Carolina. Mr. Holst is also the author of the children’s books “Norman the Troll,” "Norman the Troll and the Haunted House," and "Gretchen and the Gremlins." In addition, he penned the fantasy novel “The Adventures of Glinda Gale,” a retelling of “The Wizard of Oz" and the reference text “The Encyclopedia of Movie and TV Insults.” .

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Posted in Insulting Nicknames, Sitcoms

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